In My Solitude
by SashaElizabeth
Summary: Cora is beside herself after the fallout from the fight between Robert and Simon Bricker. A small drabble for now, perhaps more later.
1. Chapter 1

The characters do not belong to me.

**In My Solitude**

Cora sat at her vanity when it was at long last time to go to bed. Her muscles were stiff from standing beside Robert and acting as if everything was still normal. How odd, she thought, in trying to appear relaxed, she'd stressed herself all the more. She clenched her shoulders tightly and let them down again, aching for both physical and emotional relief.

She gazed at her own reflection as the recent events fell heavily upon her. "It wasn't my fault," she whispered as her cerulean eyes filled with tears for what felt like the fiftieth time that day. "Certainly he'll see that it wasn't my fault."

She brushed her tears away as soon as she heard the door began to open. Cora didn't even let herself hope that it would be Robert, not after his icy demeanor ever since the fight with Simon Bricker in their bedroom. Or was it just her bedroom now? She cleared her throat to rid her voice of any sound of distress. "Come in, Baxter."

Baxter tacitly entered the room, seeming unsure what to say or do. "Good evening, milady. Quite a busy day," she said softly.

Cora nodded. "Yes, very busy. I'm ready for it to be over." She bit her lip; had she said too much? She hated how the situation had reduced her to an older version of the shy girl who had first come to Downton, staring at the floor and measuring every word she spoke lest someone criticize.

Sure, her innocent flirting with Simon Bricker had been fun, but Cora didn't expect him to take it seriously. It had been nice to discuss her life, her past, her views. No one asked her about such things anymore. When they had ever asked, it had mostly been clipped and out of propriety. But in what world banter and interesting conversation made it acceptable for a man to come into a married woman's bedroom, she did not know.

Cora let Baxter attend to her in silence. Without Robert there to add conversation, the preparations for bed went remarkably quickly, and soon she was alone in the room again. She continued to sit at the vanity for a few more minutes, rather unsure of what to do. An empty bed was hardly welcoming. Cora sighed, becoming more tired by the moment, so it was best to not postpone the inevitable. She methodically rubbed some lotion onto her hands and let it dry before touching the bedclothes.

The lamp switch made a loud, echoing snap as she laid down in the darkened room and listened to only the anxious thudding of her own heart. By habit, she had climbed in on her side of the bed, and now Robert's absence was more palpable than ever. If Robert had been there, she would have heard the him rustling under the covers to get comfortable, felt his arm reaching across her body to hold her close, smelled the faint hints of cologne still present at the end of the day. But she was alone and felt it more strongly than any time in her marriage. Even when Robert had been away at war, it hadn't felt like this.

Her last thought before drifting into slumber was of him; how she absolutely must win him back. There was no alternative. It had to happen and change everything for the better.


	2. Chapter 2

The characters do not belong to me. Thank you to my awesome beta, Granthamfan! xx

**Chapter Two**

The morning brought little relief for Cora. An irrational hope rose within her heart while she lingered in the state between sleep and wakefulness; perhaps Robert had joined her in bed after she'd fallen asleep. Perhaps the whole Simon Bricker mess had been only a nightmare! This thought made Cora bolt upright in bed to see if it was true, if his side was occupied. But her hand slid over a smooth sheet, undisturbed by her husband. She was just as alone as she had been the previous night. Tears started to well up in her eyes again, only in the light of day she didn't even try to prevent them or brush them from her cheeks. Instead, she buried her head in the pillow and let silent sobs wrack her body until she was absolutely shaking.

"How can I face them today?" She whispered into the silent room. "They'll know something is wrong."

She sat up straighter on the bed and sighed as she looked out the window. It was bad enough that Edith had knocked at the door out of concern while Robert and Simon were fighting. While Cora was certain that she'd been able to explain it away well enough, she couldn't continue to explain other things that would threaten to expose the secret.

Cora stood up and put her robe over her nightdress, wrapping the sash tightly. It should have been Robert's arms encircling her, not a piece of clothing. As another tear trickled from her eyes, she rang for Baxter. It was time for breakfast.

She tried to be nonchalant as Baxter brought her tray into the room, but it was impossible to ignore the fact that Robert was not there and the tired expression Cora wore spoke of an uneasy night.

"Good morning, Baxter," Cora's voice sounded falsely cheerful.

"Good morning, milady," Baxter carefully placed the tray over Cora's lap. "Here you are." She gave a faint hint of a smile as she looked down at the tray. "I thought you might like this," she said in a shy tone.

Cora looked down and saw not one but two glasses of orange juice sitting on the tray. "Why, thank you, Baxter. How thoughtful."

Baxter made no reply, but smiled again in her gentle way as she left the room.

At least one person in this household doesn't think of me as a pariah, Cora thought as she started to eat. She felt momentarily better due to Baxter's thoughtfulness, and was in a lighter mood when her ladies' maid returned to prepare her for the day. Today, after all, was when she'd make Robert see reason.

Cora's improved mood ceased when she came downstairs and found herself face-to-face with a scowling Violet. Suddenly the insecure feelings of thirty-four years ago started to overwhelm Cora as she fought not to lower her eyes. She had nothing of which to be ashamed.

"What have you done to my son?" Violet demanded, banging her cane on the floor for emphasis.

Cora had to use every ounce of self control she had to not return her mother-in-law's interrogation with a too truthful retort.

"Good morning to you, Mama. What do you mean, what have I done to Robert?"

Violet frowned even more deeply than she had upon first seeing Cora. "He's sulky. I know my son. When he's sulky, something has gone wrong. I asked him and he told me to discuss it with you."

"We have nothing to discuss," Cora said icily. "Why he's sharing this is beyond me."

The Dowager Countess shook her head. "Just apologize for whatever you've done and be quick with it!"

Cora knew that she would say something she'd regret if she stayed in Violet's presence, so she muttered an excuse and walked away.

The sight of Robert in the library made her stop short, but after the initial jolt, Cora went on inside. She had nothing to be ashamed of but it couldn't hurt to be nice.

"What are you reading? You look like you're really enjoying it." She asked sweetly.

But Robert didn't even look up. He grunted an unintelligible answer in response and concentrated solely on his book.

Well, so much for that. Cora would refuse to leave the library until her husband talked to her!

"Did you sleep well? I don't see how any grown man could in that tiny little bed. Oh, Robert, do stop pouting and come back in with me."

This managed to get his attention. His head snapped up from his book as he closed it with a smack.

"Why, Cora? I don't want to intrude on any dalliances with Mr. Bricker in our - your - room."

Cora fought to keep the tears at bay. Her room? Was this really, truly happening? Her fears from the previous night were coming true!

"It's our room, Robert, and you know that there was nothing between us! It was an innocent, harmless flirtation! Nothing happened! And now you have your mother asking me questions. Talk to me, Robert, me." She lowered her face to his level as he sat in the chair and was shouting without realizing it."Keep it up and I won't have to tell my mother anything! Every servant in this house is going to know because you're telling them right now!" Robert's face reddened as he stood up and stomped out of the library, leaving Cora in a shocked, bewildered and even more saddened state.


	3. Chapter 3

The characters don't belong to me. Thank you again for all of the encouragement and love from my wonderful beta, granthamfan! xx

**Chapter Three **

Cora walked through the house in a daze. Everywhere she turned, there were memories of happy times with Robert. She passed the fireplace on her way out of the library and sighed at the image of a cold Christmas over thirty years before where her shy, young husband had presented her with a red scarf and ruby pendant before arranging for hot chocolate. The next day she'd tried to teach him to ice skate, rather unsuccessfully. But it had been great fun, followed by terrific fun. As she entered their bedroom, she nearly felt sick at seeing the glass head that Robert had to blindfold for another round of intimacy. Outside the window was the rose garden where she had spent many times, both happy and sad, choosing to share it and its secrets with Robert on a recent New Year's Eve.

Everywhere she saw a memory; a happy time that she was convinced would not come again with Robert's angry words ringing in her ears. Her room, not theirs. Dalliances with Mr. Bricker. The way he had run to his mother and undoubtedly given her a totally inaccurate version of events only made it worse. Cora wanted to lie down on her bed and weep forever.

As she gave into the tears, other memories poured over her mind. She saw herself as a newlywed, unaccustomed to Downton, trying to make her arranged marriage work despite the many forces against her, especially Violet with her disapproval of all things American-especially Robert's bride. Exactly how Cora had withstood it, she did not know. Nor did she know how she had turned a formal, loveless marriage into a real kind of love. She hadn't really been trying, having given up on unrequited love quite early on. Nevertheless, she was more driven than ever to straighten this awful situation and go on living happily with the one man she could ever love.

Cora dried her tears, walked over to her jewelry chest and opened the top drawer. Inside of a black leather box was the ruby pendant. She touched it tenderly. The night she had received it was one of the moments that had significantly revealed how much Cora had begun to truly love Robert. Could it help her again?

Before she realized what she was doing, Cora had fastened the necklace and felt the pendant lying cool against her skin. On one hand, she ached all the more for his love. However, a new determination was rising within her. Cora was going to win Robert back. She was not the shy girl of thirty years ago. She was now a strong woman, spoke her own mind and knew she was in the right. There was no way she would not succeed.

"Robert?" She saw him sitting in his usual chair in the library. "We must talk. There are things I need to tell you, and you are going to listen to me. What we have is too precious to let go over some horrid misunderstanding that never had to occur."

He peered up from his book and saw his wife standing before him, as determined as he had ever seen her.

"I fell in love with you, Robert, the night you gave me this," she fingered the ruby pendant. "You were and are the only man I could ever love. Not Simon Bricker or anyone else. Just you. That is why I will repeat again what I've been telling you. Nothing happened. I asked him to leave time and time again."

It wasn't easy to tell from Robert's expression if her words were affecting him in any particular manner. He looked as though he was deep in thought, nearly perplexed.

She continued to speak. "It hasn't always been easy, Robert. We've had our ups and downs. It did make me feel badly that even a stranger like Simon Bricker could see that you didn't appear to value my opinions or consult me on anything you consider important. I wasn't as flattered that he wanted my opinion as I was longing for you to do the same. Because, after all, my heart belongs to you. Art historians come and go. I want you in my bed at night. Consider it, Robert. Have you never been a little carried away in flirtation?"

A strange look passed Robert's face. _We're alright aren't we, Robert? _Once again he could see Cora lying in bed, still covered in sweat from the Spanish Flu, offering her hand to him, making an apology to him when it was Robert who should have been apologizing for kissing the maid.

"If not, then stay in your little bed forever. Otherwise, join me in our bedroom tonight."

She turned on her heel and began to exit the library. Then a voice behind her began to speak.

"I remember the night I gave you that pendant," Robert began. "I knew I loved you, but didn't know how to show it."

Cora turned around.

"I did not mean to overlook you," he continued in a voice barely above a whisper. "I think, Cora-if truth be told-I'm angry at myself for letting you need someone else to tell you that you matter. Those words should have been mine, not his. I've been terrible, darling. Can you ever forgive me?"

Cora only nodded because if she were to speak, the tears may start again.

He rose and crossed the room. "Cora, I promise I will make it up to you. Every tear, every careless word I've spoken. I want to include you in my - our - decisions."

"I assume you're coming back into our bedroom?"

He smiled. "That depends on two things."

"What things, Robert?"

"On if you will wear this tonight," he held the pendant in his hand, caressing it gently, "and if the glass head will wear a blindfold. I still feel like it's looking at me."


	4. Epilogue

The characters do not belong to me. Thank you again, my lovely beta Granthamfan! xx

Epilogue

After a night of terrific fun in which Robert was not intimidated by the glass head- thanks to Cora wrapping the red scarf from their first Christmas together around its eyes-one could say that everything went back to normal. According to Cora, though, things were even better than normal. Robert asked her opinions on things much more often, and much of the running of Downton was now managed by a united front, not by Robert alone.

Cora especially took an interest in both the renovation of the older cottages and the new houses to be built on the property. She had always enjoyed creating pretty spaces, although she hadn't really been given a chance to explore this part of herself since coming to Downton, as the ancient Crawley family home was already in the style that it had been since time immemorial. But the new projects gave her freedom that was mirrored in the changes coming for women as the 1920s progressed.

Robert was duly impressed with his wife's new ideas. Thanks to Tom and Matthew helping him open up to the future, he was taking change much more in stride by the time he invited Cora to be more involved in his affairs.

One thing, however, did not change and never would - their love for one another. Never again did Robert and Cora not share a bedroom and never again could anyone ever attempt to come between them. Robert was the only man whom Cora could ever love, and she was the only woman by whom he would be enthralled for the rest of their lives.


End file.
